2.9013

The “Losada Line” is the name of a principle of human interaction that has generated a huge amount of controversy in recent years. Also known as the “Positivity Ratio,” this idea says that all of us have many encounters with other people throughout our day, and that in order to maintain good mental and emotional health, we need at least 2.9013 positive, uplifting or encouraging interactions, to balance against one negative encounter.

In other words, most people need to be praised, patted on the back and encouraged about three times as much as they need to hear bad news, criticism or condemnation. One application might be that bosses should spend three times as much time praising their people as they do criticizing them, in order to have a company that runs more smoothly and employees that are more productive. At least, that’s the theory.

Now, this so-called “Losada Line” is VERY controversial. A large number of researchers and social scientists have criticized the study that produced that report and raised serious questions about the validity of its research and conclusions. And some of those criticisms seem to be well-founded.

Which, in my opinion, does not take away from the basic truth that people need encouragement and a kind word.

All of us have friends who can always make us feel better, even during difficult situations. We have probably had the experience of going to the hospital to visit a sick friend, and that person ends up cheering US up. The ability to inspire, to motivate, and to encourage others is a precious gift.

Now granted, too much positivity can occasionally lead to distortions. Sometimes we need a kick in the butt, rather than a pat on the back. If you’re at the doctor’s office, you want your physician to give you truthful answers, not “happy talk” that ignores serious problems. But the truth is, most of us have more than enough bad news in our lives, so sometimes we need to be intentional about seeking out words of encouragement.

It’s not ignoring the truth to want to surround ourselves with companions who can offer words of hope and joy. It’s not sticking our heads in the sand to choose to focus on the good around us, to see a glass as half-full rather than half-empty. It is not weakness to want to hear from friends who can offer encouragement and inspiration when we are down. And it’s not foolish or naïve to try and be more positive and encouraging in our dealings with others. It sounds cliched and even out of date to say, but we can start by counting – and giving thanks for – our blessings.

Haskell has been blessed lately to have several new leaders come join our community. We need to celebrate these folks and look for ways to support and encourage them! Their fresh ideas and new ways of looking at things may be just what we need to overcome some of the challenges we face.

I am reminded of a letter that outgoing President George H.W. Bush wrote to incoming President Bill Clinton, in January 1993. You may recall what a brutal, bruising campaign year that 1992 had been – and yet, in his letter to the guy that beat him, Mr. Bush said,

Dear Bill,

When I walked into this office just now I felt the same sense of wonder and respect that I felt four years ago. I know you will feel that, too.

I wish you great happiness here. I never felt the loneliness some Presidents have described.

There will be very tough times, made even more difficult by criticism you may not think is fair. I’m not a very good one to give advice; but just don’t let the critics discourage you or push you off course.

You will be our President when you read this note. I wish you well. I wish your family well.

Your success now is our country’s success. I am rooting hard for you.

Good luck –

George

So, if I may paraphrase President Bush, our new community leaders’ successes will be Haskell’s successes. Let us do all we can to encourage them in their endeavors.

One of my very favorite Bible verses is Proverbs 11:25 – “A generous person will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.” So let us strive to be generous in our attitudes and dealings with others – to be people who are refreshing to know. My prayer is that we can all learn to be the kind of community member, the kind of family member, the kind of friend, who can offer a word of encouragement and hope to those around us.

And to do that, at least 2.9013 times more often than we criticize.

When I’m 64

I was still a kid back in the 60s when the Beatles released their album, “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.” One song on that album has recently become very personal to me – Paul McCartney’s “When I’m 64.” Assuming God lets me live a few more days, I will soon be turning 64.

I realize that that age may be in the rear-view mirror for lots of folks, but I’ve never turned 64 before, and in some ways, it’s quite a shock. I was just a kid when I first heard that song, and I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to actually BE that age. Turning 64 seemed so far away back then, and being that age seemed, you know, OLD!

Or so I thought at the time.

Looking back on the 50-plus years since the song’s release, I realize how far we have come as a society, and yet, how many things are still the same.

  • We have landed on the moon but still face numerous problems here at home.
  • We can get on the Internet, but often can’t find the specific information we need.
  • We have lots of “friends” on social media, but few meaningful relationships.
  • Most of us carry cell phones, but we still have a hard time with genuine communication.
  • Medicine has perfected cures for many diseases, but we have been hit hard by new ones.

Still, in spite of these difficulties, I am not discouraged. Nowhere are we promised that life will be easy, or that we will somehow be exempt from difficulties.

The legend about the song is that it was one of the first ones that Paul ever wrote, and that he was only 16 when he first composed it, trying to imagine growing old with someone he loved. That is one thing that I really like about the song: it values personal relationships as being the key to a happy life. Consider these verses –

You’ll be older too,
And if you say the word,
I could stay with you.

I could be handy, mending a fuse,
When your lights have gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside –
Sunday mornings go for a ride.
Doing the garden, digging the weeds,
Who could ask for more?

Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I’m sixty-four.

Give me your answer, fill in a form,
Mine for evermore

Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I’m sixty-four.

God has blessed me with a wonderful wife, and we’ve had many great years together, and raised four terrific kids. He has given me some really great friends and allowed me to be a pastor and to work in several other fulfilling and interesting occupations, including this one. And above all that, He has shown Himself to be faithful at all times.

And so, as I approach my 64th birthday – and however many more God chooses to bless me with – I will say with the psalmist of old, “Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever.”

The Most Important Words

Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” In other words, just as the right accessory can beautifully frame a piece of jewelry, so the right word at just the right time can make a big difference to someone who needs to hear it.

Additionally, James 3:9-10 reminds us, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.” All of us can think of people in our lives who have had a big influence over us, who always seemed to be able to say just the right thing at the right time. We can also remember times when we have been wounded by the careless words of someone whose opinion mattered to us.

The old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is very mistaken. As we enter the new year, let’s remember that the words we use make a big difference to those who hear them — sometimes with the power to build up, but other times with a terrible power to hurt or tear down.

Many people are familiar with a document called “A Short Course in Human Relations.” It was a list of what the writer considered the most important words and phrases that we can use in dealing with other people.  After reflecting on this, and with an eye towards beginning the new year by being more mindful of the power of “a word fitly spoken,” here are my suggestions for the most important words we can say to each other:

 

  • Please.
  • I’m sorry.
  • I love you.
  • Thank you.
  • Let me help.
  • You can do it!
  • I made a mistake.
  • What do you think?
  • You did a good job.
  • We (As opposed to I, me, my or mine)

 

May we all be known as people who build up others with words of encouragement! God’s richest blessings on you and yours for a prosperous, safe and happy 2015.